The North Face 100- A Race Report. In verse.

Here is an easy challenge for you, do all this stuff in a day, no make it 19 odd hours…… do half in the dark and enjoy the view along the way.

 

Let’s start simple friend, this is a chomping feat, we can’t go far unless we remember just how much to eat!

Suck down some gels, 36 will do,  High5 Mojito, a brand that can’t be beat.

14 sticky Torq bars and a couple of Cliff ones too?

20 Amaze Balls from Tara’s Runner’s Kitchen,  throw down a dozen pieces of juicy watermelon.

A cup of coffee and a hot choc too, 40 Hammar salt pills as well for you.

Make sure you swallow some vomit on the way, consider dirty creek water when you your bladder’s dry as hay.

Yes, don’t forget the drink, ten litters plus of water, not cold or fizzy, that’s easy, this is slaughter.

Make is warm and salty too, suck it through a filthy straw attached to you.

 

Now that you’ve eaten, lets run a little way, let’s make it a hundred kilometres mate, Okay?

No, not flat or smooth but hilly, rocky and rough.

Let’s find some stairs, a million’s not enough.

Run up a cliff-side, hewn from rock, do it for an hour, then restart the clock.

Make it 10 or 12 hours on and off, time will stop ticktock.

The stairs should be loony, made by a drunken sadistic madman, uneven and unsure,

Take away some of the rails, add a compelling vista for distraction.

Now in between there is rocky single track and steep fire trail action.

Don’t forget the muddy creeks, slimy forest stuff, or cliff edge grottos, and classic bush that’s rough.

 

Make sure the day is long and goes from cool to warm to cold.

Wear a warm top and beanie, take it off and don a singlet job,

Put on a long top, beanie, headlight for running in the night.

Freeze and thank the bosses for the fleece, and Brendan for advising copious grease.

If you have some shame left, don a fluoro top, loose, ungainly, reflective, a ridiculous clowning smock.

You will look and feel a right cock. (but safe :)).

 

Now pain is on the menu, not a knock or strain to suffer.

No, lets refer to the belly and its gassy misery sister and brother,

Take a stop above, below? Dry or Wet, I forget, but hurry,

Dig with your toe and whip them daks dow, there’s a vile slurry.

Do it often in the dark, turn off your head lamp friend,

No one wants to see you squatting. coming round the bend.

 

Oh, it’s dark, the phone is dead, the watch stopped too, no bother.

You’re in a strange place, without others, closer to the end?

Oh damn you Petzel for your electrons have also come to an end.

There is hope though, careful planning made you bring another, two is good but three is best,

Now tip toe to the final test.

 

After all the gruesome food, and glorious country miles

980 awkward steps lay wait in the dark,  before you crack some smiles,

Some felt bad, others flew, it isn’t all that grim.

Grovel up and reach the top you are almost free to stop.

It’s over, wow, you did it, it’s 2 am and cold.

Hmmm, find a bus, none, family? In bed.

Walk it! Yes, Off with you, but maybe hail that bus instead.

 

The Hotel is close and now you’re in, a shower, then pain, ache add anxiety sets in.

Lucky if your gorgeous wife doses you up and puffs a pillow for the legs,

A 3-year-old is in the middle and now its time to rest.

 

That’s enough verse, I am a crap runner and worse poet. I had the best day running of my life. It all came together. The guts gave up though at km 80-something. That’s ok. It was a walk-a-thon from there anyway. We all ground up those last fire trails in a slow march of the dead. I just went off track a few times.

 

I managed this only through the help of other people. My gorgeous and wonderful wife/partner Lesley and daughter/support crew Gigi. My mentor and Guru Mike who sent me texts along the way, ‘You’re on a golf course.’, thanks mate, a big help! He was the catalyst for this folly. My staff who put up with me running and running late every day. And my coach, Hanny who I have never met. She wrote the program that allowed a man my age only able to train 5-7, maximum 10 hours a week to run a hundred k’s. Most of all, I remember this, I stopped and picked some flowers on the way.

 

Gigi and wildflowers (weeds?).

Gigi and wildflowers (weeds?).

Here is a Gallery of Images from aurora images, also taken along the way.

Here are a few pics I took and some the wonderful Lesley took as well. Adios!

 

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